


spring is a step away

by orphan_account



Category: Given, given anime, given manga
Genre: Angst, Anime Spoilers, M/M, Mafuyu misses Yuki, Mentions of Suicide, Oops this is sad, Wrote this at 3 AM, because it’s given, its probably shitty, protect mafuyu, sorry in advance, uenoyama is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24070942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Spring is a step away... Winter was no walk in the park for Mafuyu, but now there might be hope now that he has Uenoyama...In which Mafuyu reflects...
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	spring is a step away

The seasons are like emotions, changing constantly with every breath... every word or action... you never know when the wind will nip at your nose, or when the sun will scorch your skin. You play it by ear and hope it goes okay. 

Mafuyu had never felt more alone... and for the longest time, he never thought he could forgive himself. It was like the ringing in his ear that refused to go away. The nauseous feeling was endless, amber eyes coming in and out of focus as he cupped a frail hand over his mouth. Eating was a chore... sleeping was an option... for the teen didn’t feel like he deserved the luxuries of life. Not after he found Yuki. Taken by a careless drunken suicide-

But Satou couldn’t help but blame himself. After all; he was the one who said such ugly words. His father was right, he shouldn’t speak... he didn’t deserve to be heard. He was a heartless monster. 

Winter was cold. Things weren’t the same. And they would never surely be the same from that point on. Numb, that’s what you need to be.

Put up your walls and close off any emotions- the emptiness would fill you. Stay hungry. Stay foolish. Be careful... no _be cautious_... sink into an ocean of blue, let it eat you whole as you gasp for air. Choke on the wave that haunts you from behind.

After all a monster doesn’t deserve happiness. Fake it till you break from the pressure that you’ve put on yourself. The strings are weak like your soul, and the guitar itself is as hollow as your bones. 

Spring was a new chapter, Mafuyu met a boy.

A boy with eyes like pools of dangerous waters. How could a guy with this much frightfulness in his irises bring one this much joy? Uenoyama must not of been aware of his gaze... but it was most likely the observant Satou fearing the crashing sea of emotions to come. 

Eyes as blue as the Atlantic kept him awake these days... stirring in his bed as he imagined the latter... still, it didn’t feel right. It was as if he was going against everything he had previously said before. More importantly. It was as if he were abandoning the boy who gave his life away. 

Stay hungry... 

He was now the vocalist for a band, the feeling of abandonment leaving his body. Mafuyu had a new family, each member different as night and day. It was refreshing, yet familiar to an extent. His cries were now being heard.

Yet the lyrics he wanted wouldn’t escape. They were caught in the back of his throat, painfully straining with his sound. No matter how much he wanted to force them out.

Mafuyu bit his lip, gripping the neck of his guitar. His body shaking with fear... no longer was he starved. The satisfying release of his string snapping sent jolts down his spine. It was as if he were weightless, picturing Ritsuka sprint through the cool evening breeze. Warm tears still refused to fall. Loneliness was a weapon... use it wisely...

Standing up there on that stage was a privilege. One he finally believed he deserved.

The teen never knew how it felt to speak with such freedom- with so many listening... that’s all he could think about as he sang... he felt as if his words were truly valid.

A love song dedicated to his past... and current lover.

This curse was broken in the most beautiful way possible. The rippling sea of emotions calmed with such pride and bitterness... the taste in his mouth was still sweet as candy.

Satou’s clouded thoughts had yet to clear as he stood still in the heat of the spotlights. He absentmindedly limped off the stage, the raven haired guitarist following him, a hand slung around his shoulder. He stood in front of him teary eyed, his fists clenching and unclenching as he thanked this guy who had completely changed his life for the better. 

The ginger was pulled into an intimate embrace, his lips captured in a kiss... 

Spring is a season of happiness... things were different now. You have to be open to change. You need to be willing to take the challenge.... 

Open up your heart and dive right in, slit the water open with your fingers, there’s nothing to fear. Make that opening and swim against the current. Love freely; without walls. 

It isn’t selfish... just trust that everything will be okay... and let the universe handle the rest.

Mafuyu still cries at night, but now he had Uenoyama. There are days where all he wants to do is tuck his head into his shoulder and weep. And there are times where he just wants to be alone (but that isn’t too often) 

But most of all he wants to smile, and remember that intimate embrace.


End file.
